DNA and Uncovering the Truth on Your Ancestry

Many of us test our DNA in hope of discovering what we’re made up of. Am I Native American? Am I African? Or am I a mixture of European countries and what they can possibly be?

Many submit their DNA to simply get these questions answered but with those questions come things people were not expecting to get asked. The reality is that many who are testing are seeking answers on paternity or maternity. Answers to what they were told that were not factual.

Imagine growing up not being able to say where you’re from. Not knowing what genetic illnesses you inherited. This is the reality for many, especially those of us who come from the Caribbean. This was even my reality at one time.

Many times due to extreme poverty or inability to care for an infant, mothers have given up their child for a better life or a child given up due to the death of their mother. Other times, a child will grow up not knowing the truth of who their father was. The stories are endless.

I personally can understand their plight as I grew up not knowing the truth about who my father was. My own mother taking it upon herself of hiding me from my own father even though he knew I existed, had search for me for years but had no idea of where to find me.

Once my mother decided to divulge the truth when I was 19, meeting my father, Luis Bayala Delgado, it turned out that for the prior 10 years, we lived in the same borough, Queens, in New York City. We wound up living just 15 minutes away but we never crossed paths until the truth was revealed.  While both my parents gave me the same story, meeting after my dad broke up with his wife and my mother had done the same years prior, I had no reason to question it nor do I do so today.

However, there is an individual who refuses to accept me as their sibling and that is this individual’s loss. I won’t even validate their gender because they are not important in my life. You cannot claim to be oh so loving of your God and then refuse to accept the truth. If you had an issue with it, you should have taken it up with him while our father was alive.

However, although I look so much like him, I decided to DNA test to cement in that I was indeed a Bayala. This being said. I do not need this individual’s acceptance to have a relationship with my Bayala family. 

So why am I bring this up? Well because I am noticing a pattern. I have managed to help many cousins I’ve met via DNA find their biological parents, a father, a mother, or even grandparents. Some are adopted while others do not know the truth. Note that DNA does not lie, only humans tell lies.

Many have been rejected by parents, while others accepted them with open arms. I have noticed a pattern where I have seen siblings, aunts, uncles, mothers, and fathers request that people remain a secret. So I advise all of you who have been asked to do so to understand…

• YOU ARE NOT A SECRET!
• YOU ARE NOT BEHOLDEN TO THAT INDIVIDUAL OR INDIVIDUALS!
• YOU ARE NOT TO HOLD ONTO SOMEONE ELSE’S GUILT!
• YOU DO NOT NEED TO SATISFY SOMEONE ELSE’S PERSONAL SELFISH FEELINGS!

So if you want to connect to family, then do so. Stop thinking that you need to answer or be accepted by an individual; you don’t. There is plenty of family that will accept you for you! Not everyone is perfect and that individual’s imperfect view of how things should be is not your problem just like it is not my problem. So I continue to have relationships and build off of them and hope that those of you who were adopted out or never knew a parent do the same.

I hope those that are partaking in the ugly form of behavior of rejection read this post and realize how utterly wrong they are and need to stop making THEIR problems everyone else’s problem. Life is too short, shit happens, people are humans and permitted to be imperfect, embrace it while you still have time!